This summer, I had several really great (read: educating and long) conversations about the nature of art, the process of love, what we thought we'd never have to do as counselors, and things we've said entirely too much.
I realise that talking about camp is potentially boring for those who weren't there, and for those who were there, I could never do it justice. Thusly, I shan't (or at least will try not to) talk about camp too much. Tonight's topic should be the nature of love.
Being "of a certain age," we do a lot of thinking about love. Sometimes, we think about love in its specific forms. I know I've devoted a large portion of my web journal to the great "why doesn't he/why does he love me?" debate. (This seems really shallow when you look at it this way.) And there are as many opinions about love as there are people in the world, so one might say that talking about love is like dancing about architecture--it's pointless to analyse it to death. (That's from "Playing By Heart," by the way.)
The thing I figured out recently, though, is that there are as many ways of loving people as there are people as well. And as long as you do it honestly, with your whole being, throwing your soul into your actions, it's a beautiful thing. "Everyone needs to be loved/Everyone needs their own teen-age fan club." (SuperChicks)
Although it's odd, I can now say with some certainty that I will probably get married someday, or at least find my soul mate. Veronica (one of my Swedish friends) believes that a person doesn't just have one soul mate-- a person has three people who would be a perfect fit at different times in their lives. Thusly, the person you were in love with at sixteen isn't necessarily the person you were meant to be with at thirty-five, just as that person isn't necessarily the person you are meand to be with at seventy-five. If you're lucky, you find the person who can evolve alongside you. Sometimes, it's just a reassurance regarding "the one that got away"--he wasn't necessarily the right person for you in the future. And, if he is, I firmly believe he will be back in your life just when you need him.
We can go on forever being bitter about things we can't change--circumstances of our lives, our relationships or whathaveyou. Or, we can choose to see those difficulties for what they are--a change in life circumstance that has shaped the person we have become. This all works out rather well if you like the person you've become (or you think other people like the person you've become--although that's something you might want to reconsider [take it from someone who knows...]), but if you don't like the person you've become, you might have your work cut out for you.
It's amazing how I start talking about love and soul mates and then suddenly make it such a personal issue. I think love is always a personal issue, though. For a while, I was bitter that I didn't have the relationship experiences that other people my age have, because of life circumstances. Then I figured something out. While everyone else my age was trying to hold on to relationships and mold themselves into the person they thought their significant other wanted them to be, during those formative years, I was actually figuring out who I was. This may sound crazy, and a little new age-y, but figuring out who you are before you foist yourself onto another person with his or her own problems is not such a bad idea. Now, granted, I did have to figure some of the other things out as an adult, (about 4 years behind schedule) but I had adult coping mechanisms and social support behind me to help me--something I can honestly say I didn't really have at 16 and doubt that many people do.
Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying that people should wait until their late teens to begin dating, or that I have all the answers. I'm just relating some of my personal experience in the "fix yourself before you try to fix anything (or anyone) else" department. And, if nothing else, these ramblings have just been my opinion. Of course, I could be wrong.
