Sistah Jenny's Advice for New College Girls

Sistah Jenny's Advice for New College Girls

1. Relax. It's never as big of a deal as you think it is. And when it actually is that big a deal, you'll know.

2. Set up clear guidelines with your roommate on the first day. Sure, you're friends now, but will you be friends when she's borrowing your clothes and returning them without washing them?

3. Cheap macaroni and cheese is not worth it.

4. Go to class. It greatly increases your chances of actually learning something.

5. Class is not, and should not be, your life. Get involved in something other than your school work, and for heaven's sake, get out of the dorm room.

6. When a guy tells you that he's not a nice person, believe him. When a guy tells you that he's a nice person, don't believe him.

7. Do your homework. It greatly increases your chances of passing.

8. Try something new every week.

9. While pot and ecstacy may seem harmless, they're not. If you're caught with pot, you'll lose any federal funding you're getting. And ecstacy will really, really screw you up, and might even kill you. In the words of Nancy Regan, "Just say no."

10. Almost any decision you make is reversible. It's the ones that aren't that matter.

11. You will change during your first year of college, in more ways than you know. When people tell you that you've changed, you won't believe them.

12. People are more different from each other than you can possibly imagine.

13. When you go to parties, go in a group, and leave in a group. When you go on dates, make sure that at least one other person knows where you're going.

14. The Freshman Fifteen is real. To avoid it, remember that Ben & Jerry's is not a food group, and going to the gym is nothing like high school gym class. Try it at least once--you might even like it.

15. Everyone bonds tightly that first week of classes. Some of these people will be your friends for life, some will just be your friends through college, and you'll just exchange awkward 'hellos' with others for the next few months. Take care of the ones you're close to, though. You're all each other has got.

16. A pound of Skittles will give you your daily dose of Vitamin C.

17. Don't ever try to do laundry on Saturday or Sunday. Tuesday afternoon is usually the best time. And while we're at it, make sure you separate your clothes, or you'll look like a Marshmallow Peep.

18. Keep in contact with your family. You may be busy doing new things, but they still want to know that you're alive and happy. Call them at least once a week--it greatly increases your chances of getting care packages and money.

19. Get to know your professors, but don't be a nuisance. Have something interesting to say.

20. People will tell you that college is much harder than high school. These people usually have no idea what they're talking about.

21. If you want things to change, you must be part of that change.

22. Exclusively using the Internet for sources when writing papers isn't going to cut it any more.

23. Remember that your college or university is part of a larger community. Take part in that community before you graduate without realizing that it's there.

24. Excise cops are usually the friendliest, best-dressed guys at the party. While underage drinking is against the law, everyone does it. Just be smart about it.

25. You will be faced with hundreds of different viewpoints and millions of opportunities to change your life and mind. Stay true to who you are and what you believe and you'll come out fine.

Rant: After reading Tim Dean's "Beyond Sexuality"

I've been having a less than brilly last few weeks... A lot of it hinges on my thesis, and the outlined problems that have been occurring (and reoccurring...) therein. Some of it has to do with my job, which makes me alternately angry, frustrated, and bored to the point of exhaustion. A bit has to do with the readings that I've been doing for class, all of which leave me with thoughts that won't be implemented, ideas that can't be pinned down, and a general feeling of "aaagggh...it's right there, somewhere, the solution to all the intellectual bugaboos that have been plaguing me for the last however-many years."
The readings, in fact, may be most of it. I finished reading Tim Dean's Beyond Sexuality yesterday morning. Let's see if I can outline the arguement. For a long time, I've been trying to wrap my mind around the idea that we, as a culture (and I'm speaking of any culture here, not specifically American or even generic "white culture") define sexuality as what the biological sex of your object choice is, with complete bearing on what your own biological sex is. Think about that for a second. We're more concerned with who does to whom that we're not even concerned with the what that they're doing, where they're doing it, and, I think the most important part, the why. This is how we define sexuality.

But when it comes to regulating sexuality (thesis material reference coming up), we don't just focus on the actors. By regulating procreation in limiting the number of children people can have and still obtain welfare, etc, we're regulating the what, when it gets right down to it.

And it's interesting that we choose to focus on biological sex, instead of gender, when I would argue that most people have a stronger gender preference than they do a sex preference. Hear me out...I very rarely look at dating opportunities and think, "That is a male" (referencing biological sex). I think, "That is a man" (referencing gender identity). A lot of this probably has to do with the fact that I'm by and large attracted to the "gym rat" type--former football, soccer, or baseball players who are generally big guys in height, weight and muscle mass. None of these characteristics have anything to do with the biological factor of being male, perhaps save muscle mass, since more testosterone means one can build muscle more quickly. I would argue that choosing a partner based on gender characteristics is especially prevalent in the gay community. (And if you don't believe me, watch The Broken Heart's Club.)

The "why" that's left out in considering how to define sexuality is the most important part, I think. What if people were defined solely by why they choose the partners they do, or why they choose to (or if) to sleep with someone? Maybe, when it comes down to it, we use biological sex to define because it's the most visible characteristic we have to go by. Of course, with gender reassignment surgery, we all know that's not exactly a fail-proof screening device... Another why definition might be left out because it disproportionately applies to women, ie, sleeping with someone because of economic reasons (needing someone to provide for you), as a prevention of violence (so he won't beat or kill you), or as an exchange of power (making someone else even momentarily helpless can make you feel more powerful). Maybe if we defined sexuality in those terms (which all those considerations do happen to women all the time, all over the world and right here in the US), women's situation would improve.

Defining your sexuality by whether or not you consent and/or want a sexual encounter is another way to go about it. If sex is, like it is for many women, something that "just happens" to you, I think that's very different than if you are an active, choosing participant. And while fully 1/3 of all women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes, we still insist on defining sexuality on the biological sex of the actors involved. This would be what CMacK calls a "hello question." Hello? Does this make sense to anyone else? Is this just another way of ignoring victimization? Do we not focus on women as consenting, wanting actors (and there is a distinction between consenting to an encounter and actually wanting said encounter) because if we did, we would have to reexamine what happens to women every day?
Just asking.

I think I'll get down off the soapbox now. It's a little dizzying up here.

Men get eating disorders, too

I guess you could say that I consider myself a "men's rights" feminist. I'd prefer the term "liberal feminist," but so many people don't understand what that means... I'm tired of thinking of things in terms of how society is unfair to women, when in many cases it's as equally unfair (if not more so) than men, simply by virtue of the male population not having the general level of consciousness about what's happening as many women do. There seem to be some extremes going on in the feminist movement, and I'm not for that. Things have been immensely unfair to women for many, many years, but we still have to realize that things still are unfair to men. Women can legitimately choose to either stay at home and "keep house" or enter the paid workforce, but men don't really have that option. That's unfair. Women live their lives in fear of violence and/or sexual assault by men, but men are the ones who have to prove themselves, every day, that they're not "bad guys," which (personally speaking) would really bother me. That's unfair. Women can express feelings and are encouraged to talk about what's bothering them, but it's considered weird or unmanly for men to express their feelings. That's unfair. Now, because of social norms about who "gets" eating disorders, men aren't getting the psychological and physical help they need. That's not only unfair, that's dangerous. I guess the question I'm asking is, why do we think of society in terms of "why can't women be more like men?", when it doesn't seem that great to be a man in a male-dominated society, either? Wouldn't it be great if, instead of looking at sex equality in terms of women equaling men, we looked at sex equality in terms of everyone being equal in opportunity and outcome to one another? Call me crazy...

*********
"Equal rights are not special rights." (Anonymous)

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people." (Audre Lord)