Stuck

I have been feeling rather stuck lately (and by lately, I mean for the last 6 weeks). I don't quite know what I want to do, but this isn't it. As I've written before, I was essentially forced into contract work after my department was closed by the not-for-profit I worked for. Although it's been two months since we received the news, I feel as though I'm still going though the cycles of grief.

A bigger part of me than I thought is angry. I expected better of them, perhaps stupidly, because they're a non-profit. I bought into the line they fed me that "it's not about the money, it's about the kids." (This was true, until it was about the money...for them.) I feel frustrated and angry that I did so much work for them without recognition or compensation. I'm especially disgusted with them after I found out they're passing off my work as theirs and using it to advertise the same services I provide.

I don't know what I want to do, but I don't think this is it.

I've made a huge mistake

Maybe not that huge, but enough to completely rattle me to the core. Here's the basics. I started working for an agency in June of 2011, right after graduation. I liked it there enough...I like my clients and families, and I liked the freedom that it offered me. Then in March, they announced that our department was closing, and that we "were being given the option" to become contract workers. I decided to go ahead and do the contract thing, mostly because I didn't want to leave the families I work with (counter-transference, I know), and, also in a large part, due to the amount of money that I will be making (significantly more than I would make at another agency). I've been at it for three weeks, and so far, it's okay.

 Here's the problem. I spent the last 4 days at a play therapy conference, which I loved. It also made me realize that I really miss doing the therapy that I was trained to do. Now, I mostly do behavior modification and teaching, with some parent training. I like the parent training piece, but I miss doing the actual "work" of family and couple therapy. The real kicker came when I got a notification for an EMDR training (something that I've wanted to learn and do for some time), and I thought, "I can't do that. I can't use it in my work. It would be a waste of my time." The second sentence is true, but the rest is just burnout and the fear of poverty that comes with being an independent contractor. So here's what I'm going to do:

* I will be fully licensed as a social worker after I take the LCSW exam in June.
* I'll be fully licensed as an LMFT in July, if I finish all my supervision hours.
* I'm pursuing play therapy supervision, and I may specialize in TheraPlay. (More about that later.)
* I've created a profile for my services and I'm going to try to see a few clients on Mondays and Tuesdays. 

The TheraPlay conference was really fun, but I think it would be more useful if I were still working with adopted kids or kids in foster care. So that's where I am right now.