descriptions of the way fat people, although occupying a great deal of physical space, actually become 'invisible' - to the shop assistants who stare through them to the men who pretend you don't exist - made me realise that the best thing I ever did to lose weight and keep it off was to stop beating myself up about it.
This just in: fat people have super powers! An extra ten pounds gives you the ability to become invisible!
Being overweight affected every single day of my life. It isn't easy starting the day with a smile when all you can pull on is a pair of size 22 stretch black trousers and a T-shirt that could shelter a dozen earthquake victims.
In all seriousness, I blame the fashion industry for not providing acceptable clothing for women over a size 14. Everything "plus" sized is shapeless, flower-covered, black, or overly matronly. Or all of the above.
If I had my life to live all over again, I'd re-direct all the time and money that I spent dieting toward learning how to create fashion for fat women. That would have been a productive use of my time.
You feel wretched. When you displace all the water in the bath and no towel will wrap around you, you feel utterly exposed.
Here's an idea: Get a bigger bath towel! People come in all sizes and shapes. I personally love the giant bath sheets, because I can wrap them around myself like a cape. (See above, re: superpowers.)
I used to look in the bathroom mirror and despair. Never mind shaving or waxing my bikini line - I couldn't even see it. Try painting your toenails when you have three folds of stomach in the way.
Sounds like a flexibility problem, rather than a weight problem. I know some other people who can't paint their toenails or shave their bikini line (side note: didja ever think that the hair "down there" is natural and performs a necessary function?), and they'd love to be fat. They have degenerative neuromuscular diseases.
I'd lost the same four stone four times. I'd spent most of my 40s yo-yo dieting. At 15 stone 10lb, I thought I'd never beat it and would become a fat old lady. I was beginning to have aches and pains generally suffered by the overweight: niggling backaches, swollen ankles at night, breathlessness and high blood pressure.
Was I going to develop diabetes? Was I increasing my risk of cancer? Would I keel over from a heart attack or stroke? Was I going to die before my time?
It's the old "See?! FAT=DEATH!" arguement!
Actually, yo-yo dieting decreases your life span more than carrying around an extra 50 pounds does.
That's when I realised how important your body is; it's your life. You can't be a mother, wife or career woman if your body is compromised.
And your body isn't compromised by spending all this time obsessing about your weight? What about all the time you spend hating your body? What kind of example is that setting for your children?
I stopped beating myself up about my weight and resolved to take action.
(Here's where I had a moment of hopefull-ness that she would "take action" by actually [i]stopping[/i] the "beating herself up" bit. As my best friend once said, "These people, they give you a little flicker of hope, so you lean in...and it singes your eyebrows.")
Recently, I also took a health and weight-loss show on tour - to pass on my message to thousands of men and women who are concerned about their weight.
And that message is: Get surgically-induced anorexia! Live with protein and vitamin deficiencies for the rest of your life! Have your hair fall out! Experience "dumping"!
Part of me wants to say, "Well, it's your life. Have weight loss surgery if you feel that's the best choice for you. It may be, as long as you have all the facts." But most of me just looks at my aunt, who had a gastric bypass three years ago and has lost around eighty pounds. But she's gained other things, too: three more surgeries to correct "side effects" of the surgery (a hernia, gallbladder infection & necrosis, excess tissue), repeated severe bouts with depression, debt from medical expenses and missed work, and a host of other common aftereffects of weight loss surgery.
I wake up every morning and say, "I LOVE MY BODY." Some mornings I believe it a little more than other mornings. But I do it, because in this world, loving your body as it is is a truly revolutionary act.
What do I do with all the time in which I don't obsess and hate? Only time will tell what my revolution will bring about--in me, in my family, and in our world.
