American "On A Break"

(satire, because I just had to)

Sources close to the world-famous lovematch known as the United States indicate that the couple may be "on a break."

"They've been together for a long time," a representative for the Blue States said, "but lately it just feels like they're growing apart."

For several weeks, outsiders have speculated that the recent election may have drawn too much attention to the young match, emphasizing their differences. Red States were seen by themselves early Tuesday afternoon, but by Tuesday night, seem to have found friends to lean on.

"I don't know what Blue States's problem is," Red States said at a late-night party that night. "I just want what's best for us." In the background, Blue States's friends scoffed and made gagging motions.

A heated exchange occurred Monday night, in which Red States accused Blue States of being simple, godless Communists, and Blue States responded by calling Red States fascist, evil, and out-of-touch. Sources close to the couple, which has had a rocky history througout its short courtship, blame the wealthy friends of Red States for creating divisive, overly-moral issues that drew the couple apart.

Blue States's representative denies that Blue is seeing anyone else, but has said that Red and Blue are trying to "remain friends" through this ordeal.