Rant: Violence against women

A rant, of sorts, because I need to.

It isn't fair. It isn't fair that a culture of violence against women exists. It isn't fair that women everywhere are afraid to go out alone at night, even if nothing has happened to them before, because something could happen. And it's not right that people aren't bothered by this, that the solution that is first mentioned when women feel that their personal safety is threatened is for them to buy a gun, or Mace, or learn self-defense. It's not right that boys and young men grow up in a culture where it's acceptable to refer to women as "bitches" and "hos," where objectifying women in speech, in thought, and in media is de rigeour.

It's not right that women are the ones who are bringing this up, and when we do, it's looked at as "our problem," a "women's issue," and that we're just causing trouble. It's not right that one in six women are raped, that nearly one in three women are assaulted by a "loved one" during her lifetime, or that women should ever be afraid in their own homes. It's not right that women who've been fortunate enough to not experience this soul violation undoubtedly know someone who has, and must always wonder, might it happen to me? In his book A Widow for One Year, John Irving writes, "Hannah would say that [Ruth] had never been beaten because she just hadn't met the right man yet, as it were. Or the wrong one."

I am tired of it. I am remarkably depressed. I know that the men I know and love are good, kind people, and I am equally angry for them, having to grow up, exist, and survive a culture that has the potential to so deeply damage men. And, truth be told, there has been a moment with every man I love where I look at him and think, "When is it going to happen? When is he going to turn in anger and hurt someone? Will it be me?" And that's not fair. It has nothing to do with the men in question (let me re-iterate that--this is entirely independent of the men I know), which is not fair to them. It's also not fair to me, and women like me, to be aware of the potential that this culture of violence has to exhibit itself through our men and their relationships.

What's most depressing is that I see no solution. I can state that objectifying women is bad, but then we grapple with how, exactly, it is that women are objectified. Catherine MacKinnon and the late Andrea Dworkin would say that it is pornography that objectifies women, but I think that's too narrow of a focus. Thinking of women as only mothers, or only whores, or only anything is what objectifies women. People without agency are always going to be objects, and, in most parts of the world, women have no choice as to what happens to them and their bodies.

But how do we un-objectify women, or create a space where all women have agency?

I wish I knew.